The wandering mind.

I don't journal well. That is, I am not consistent with keeping it updated.

I'm scattered at the moment. I want to work, I want to play. I want to get on with my life, I want to stop and smell the roses and take a week at it, if I want to. I want to go for a walk, I want to stay inside with my familiar things, and with my secret thoughts and daydreams.

I don't feel like I am affiliated with any particular community anymore. I don't feel that I fit in with Caledon anymore, I know very few people in Steelhead, and a few more than that in New Babbage. I hardly go out and socialize unless I'm providing the music; I think I got discouraged by people being suggestive with me when their attentions were unwelcome or undesired.

Like anyone worthy, I want to be romanced, I want my trust won, I want some effort put into the seduction. I am not at all interested in a quick coupling that's going to go nowhere once all has been done. I leave that for Reg, that's his method, not mine. There are very few people who capture my interest, whereas Reg is a lot more open to things. Then again, Reg has been uncharacteristically quiet lately, and grouchy when he's out...and tame. I don't understand him sometimes.

I am single still. Purrhaps it's safer this way. I can sit in my Hatbox and daydream while I mould hats and create fat bows and flowers to pin to them. I admit it is a lonely existance sometimes, but I've chosen it.

I have a heart full of love, and one day, I will find someone worthy that I can share it with. I believe that.

Reghan puts down her stylographic pen and gazes at what she's written. A sort of twisted half-smile appears briefly on her lips, then she exhales softly as she opens a drawer and removes a sneakily-acquired sepia photograph of someone who has captured her interest. After looking at it for a long moment, she returns it to the drawer, which she then shuts with a muted bang. She then adds to what she's written:

Only time will tell.

Reggie.

I haven't updated this in a long time. So I thought I should, since at the moment I am trapped. Please let me explain by way of an introduction.

This is another facet of me: Reggie. Reggie is, to put it plainly, the result of what happens when the switch from Reg doesn't work properly. Shi, for lack of a better pronoun, is a lot like me, but shi has a lot of Reg in hir as well.

Reggie has existed for a long time, but up until recently was called Reg/han. As someone called me Reggie a few weeks ago, and it was also what Reg was going to call himself originally, it seemed to be the purrfect name for the purrsonality in the middle. Hir first public appearance was at the Blue Mermaid in Caledon on Sea, and shi managed to get the attention of the ladies right away, not unlike Reg.

Reggie is a purrsonality of hir own, yet not, and a complex array of conflicting characteristics. Shi is, amongst other things: outgoing and shy, public and private, daring and cautious, male and female, funny and serious. Shi is a neko but has no tails to speak of, except on the men's clothing shi seems to prefer. At first glance, shi looks a lot like me, but there are some obvious and not so obvious differences.

Reggie does not live in the pocket, shi just simply disappears when the body switches to the more-dominant-at-the-moment purrsonality. But when Reggie returns, both Reg and myself are caught inside hir mind, while our bodies are fused into one. It's a very complex being, Reggie is.

The nice thing about Reggie is that shi has my skills, and I trust hir to fill in for me as needed. It's rather interesting to be caught in the middle like this, thankfully, because it can sometimes take some time to sort Reg and I out so we can be our single selves again.

I hope that Reggie can create a hat for me. I wonder how it would look. Hmm.

Second Best Straaf.

That's the name I'm calling myself. It seems lately that whenever I get involved with someone, or venture to get involved with someone, they've already got someone else.

This second best stuff has been going on for about a year now, and during that year, I've found myself involved with various people, all of whom have a Significantly More Important Other.

In theory, it seems like I would be in a good position, what with having several gentlemen (four at this count) to choose from if I want to do something. The thing is, it's like being a mistress. If there's a special event, something I want to go to, you can bet that not one of the gentlemen will be available, as they'd be taking their SMIOs, or they won't even think to ask me if I would like to go. But that's fine. Does the SMIO leave early? That's where I step in, and suddenly I'm the centre of the gentleman's attention, the recipient of steamy IMs, and for an hour or two, I am important, too. If the SMIO is out of town or something, it's like I've won the lottery of affection. And then when she returns, I am lucky if I even get a "Hello, Reghan, how are you today?" thrown in my direction, and sometimes only if they want something. Some gentlemen just don't even say anything at all for weeks, as long as they've got their SMIO around.

So I suppose it's not surprising that I have become emotionally guarded. As far as the four gentlemen are concerned, only one of them has any genuine affection from me. The rest get as good as they give.

After all, I'm only giving them my second best, too.

Pixelbitionist Neko.

My goodness, it has been quite a few months since I last updated my little journal here! Life is treating me very well, I've been more into making hats than sitting at my sewing machine. Besides, all those spools of thread can get too tempting, and every so often I would become so overcome with temptation, that I'd give the spool a big smack and chase it around the room. This did not bode well for getting dresses completed. Hats...well, they're okay, as long as I don't get tempted by the feathers. Ohhh, feathers...feathers...mmhhh.

So yes, pixelbitionist neko.

I confess: I am one, as you might tell by the picture. I enjoy wandering around without my confining corset and underskirts and skirts and high-neck blouses and proper jackets. I rather like how I look disrobed, and I rather enjoy sharing the views too. Isn't that terribly improper of me? But that's how nekos are, I think. They just have to have a naughty streak, or they may as well be chickens.

I have a secret dream of creating an exhibition of pixelbitionism, with naughty parts tastefully shown, and only Victorian boots and hats are worn. I would enjoy, as part-time work, creating boudoir pictures for ladies who wish to have such a set done. Tasteful and elegant, of course.

Because if it's not tasteful and elegant, it may as well be Mainland!

So there.

I am lovely... *preens*

Stuff.

I'm always surprised to find people commenting on my entries, which has brought me to the question: if I respond, does the person who left a comment know? I'm all curious!

As you might have noticed, I decided to treat myself to a facelift. New skin, new eyes...less snooty looking.

I am wearing my newest outfit. Literally. I've started making clothes to match my hats. I think I'm going about it backwards, as most designers I know make the dress first, then the hat. But I'm (still) the Mad Milliner, and I thought it would be fun to make dresses to accessorize my hats. :3 I will release them one day soon.

Okay, back to it. I just lost some work thanks to a crash that happened between saves. Grawr.

Kitty Fits.

Have you ever seen a kitty fit? The Midnight Crazies? Cat spazzes?

Occasionally, I have one and go dashing around my skybox, tail streaming behind me, eyes huge behind my glasses. Sometimes I leap onto my kitty tree and stay there for awhile, and sometimes I spaz my way down it, claw it, and then bolt upstairs to dash across the floor and flop on the couch. It is sometimes catnip induced, and sometimes it's just because I need to release pent up energy.

Right now, I am flopped on the kitty tree, still wearing my hat, gloves, and boots, and taking a breather from setting up for the RFL Clothing Fair. I've been a busy kitty lately! I rarely get to talk to my friends anymore, and socializing is as rare as me sharing my catnip, unless I'm DJing an event. I haven't even made it to a meeting to see my employer, Mr. Drinkwater!

But it's alright. It's for a good cause. I'll have two hats out for RFL, one's already made, and the other is going to be a Steamy Victorian.

Oh, oh, oh. I got a free dress today from Arundel's in Antiquity. It's lovely, and because of it, I am 650L poorer because I now have a new favourite dress. It's the one I'm wearing in the picture in this post. The hat is one of mine, and isn't released yet. I made the hat before I saw the dress, so I was delighted at the match!

Anyways, I'm too tired to ramble, I have done a lot of tedious and necessary work tonight, and I think my brain wants to turn to scrambled eggs.

Purrhaps I'll go down to the island and roll in my catnip patch.

On being single, and all that.

I have spent the majority of my Second Life single, though there have been three gentlemen that I have called beaus. Each of them left a mark on my heart in some way (good and bad), and there are no regrets.

I don't mind being single, I get a lot more work done that way, and I'm free to dance with who I please at balls. As it happens, I find myself single again as of yesterday, which means that (a) I can go dance with whomever I please (though I could anyways) and (b) I'm getting some work done.

The conclusion of the last relationship was very amicable, and even warm, if one can describe the severance of romance as such. But sometimes people are better off as friends, particularly when their needs are markedly different. I initiated it, and though I grieved a little bit, I am not unhappy with the outcome, particularly as we are getting along better now, or so it seems.

I also get something whenever a relationship ends, and that is a longer list of What I Do Not Want. The list began ages ago, and I add to it as needed as my own needs change.

So far, it reads as follows:

I do not want...

- someone who wants to be my master. Good luck.
- someone who wants to be my slave.
- polyamory.
- a control freak.
- SL relationships that form only with the intent of having them go RL.
- bad sex that relies heavily on poseballs. Descriptive posts are hot.
- n00b peeners/unrealisitically big peeners/badly coloured peeners.
- someone who wants to corral me. I'm a kitty, not a horse.
- someone who doesn't spend time doing stuff with me.
- a coward.
- a smooth talker.
- someone who takes all my time.
- someone who runs away if they know my secrets.
- someone who uses sex and affection as weapons.
- someone who doesn't care.
- someone who mangles English and/or is apparently on SL from their phone.

The list goes on. There's a point, though, where it's obvious (ie, no liars, no nutbars, etc), or where it seems like I'm being too picky, so I elected to leave those off.

What do I like?

I like:

- affection.
- doing things with a special someone.
- good sex. Yes.
- brains!
- intelligent conversation.
- someone who is not afraid to argue with me when I'm soapboxing.
- gentlemen.
- some ladies, but they rarely catch my attention In That Way.
- anatomically correct bodies.
- humour.
- attractive avatars. Shallow? Perhaps.
- being special to someone.
- someone who understands Reg.
- being the One and Only.
- someone who understands me.

So ... now what? Do I embrace my new single status, though I never really felt like I was 'taken'? Or do I keep myself open to the possibilities of someone else coming into my oh-so-busy Second Life?

I think I like the latter idea.

If I could take the best qualities of the three gentlemen I was involved with, I'd create a gentleman of my own. Wait...Reg?

Reg?

Reg!

Too bad I never see him.